1. The day my sister learnt that the reverse of an ointment cap is used to pierce the seal. Close to a week later she was still shaking her head. She vowed to purchase 100 ointments and have a teeth-gritted puncture fest for all her 30 years and 3 kids of using all manner of crude weapons. Including twigs.

2.  The day  someone, a manual car driver tried out an automatic for the first time, balancing non existent levers and wondering what the heck.

3.  The day my Mum first saw, nay, experienced Google earth and transformed before my very eyes into this excited little girl. We ‘visited’ homesteads in the neighborhood plus schools and shopping centers further afield. The new road right up to the point where it’s yet to be completed, the new block of classrooms in the nearby school, the Catholic Church academy under construction, and look! Wakinyua’s new tank! Wakinyua’s new tank! All this was before street view where she flipped on arrival. Needless to say.

4.  The day this otherwise very out there chap in the office was frantically looking for a camera to photograph his computer screen, to capture an error message for when IT arrived from lunch. I was witness to his face palm moment when he learnt of prt scr. He has never heard the end of it because he has since accepted his new nick name. Print Screen.

5.  The jubilant day I completed a two thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. It took me about  a month of near complete obsession and hawk eyed vigilance on my little nephew whose sole purpose at that point in life was to misplace a piece here and chew on a piece there. Begging, cajoling and outright bribing was already half the challenge! He danced about and lifted his little hands with me when ‘we’ finally made it.

6. This article right here: This is a comp and this is a mouse. Especially the comment about moving the monitor to center the cursor.

7.  Back in the day well before vibrating phones were the norm, a friend’s vibrated in her pocket in a packed matatu – pressed against some guy’s thigh. He contorted this frightened bewildered face, stopped the matatu in a panic, alighted and literally ran away very fast. We were unable to guess what might have gone through his poor head. Dude must have thought it was a bomb about to go off.

8.  When my village thought I had joined the army. They didn’t ask, just assumed that anyone who wears military looking garb is in the army and then kept the rumour going. It has since been dispelled I believe.

9.  The day they, family, took away my rubiks apparently because the sheer obsession was threatening to interfere with my mental faculties. Ok, homework and household chores too but that is not what they said. They said “it will drive her nuts”

Someone asked me where we people living in the holiday destination that is Mombasa take our breaks. Personally,  sometimes I stick to the coast but mostly I go to the hills and green of upcountry. This time round, my good friend Travel Guru pointed me to Ray’s Place in Kericho. As far as simple get aways go, this place ranks tops for me.

Ray’s is all that. Serene, enchanting, quaint. The view from the terrace is an entrancing panorama of Tinderet and Nandi Hills in the far horizon. To the East is magnificent South West Mau, and closer home are disciplines upon disciplines of tea bushes. The air is fresh and crisp.

Ray’s is about 265 Kms from Nairobi. Part of the road branching off to Kericho from the Nakuru-Eldoret highway is currently under construction and at some point there’s a torturous one hour drive through a diversion but that should be no dampener. It snakes through beautiful countryside and other than get all grumpy about it, one can opt to take it as part of the adventure.

I’m a no frills person and simplicity was my first attraction on arrival at Ray’s. There’s nothing cushy or glamorous about the place. It’s a 1948 built country house that has mostly been left unmodified. With wooden floors, basic furniture, barely there decor and a log fireplace beside which I started scribbling this article, I felt totally at peace.

Ray’s has just 5 rooms to its name, hence service so casual and so demystified that you can walk up to the chef and ask for a pot of tea. Guests and staff, including the Manager and said Chef are pretty much family. In the evenings it’s not unusual to see them congregate around the common fireplace in the living room to watch TV and sip on what Kericho produces best – Kenyan tea.

It’s not all about tea though. For those who prefer other beverages, there is a well and fully stocked bar.

The vast well manicured gardens and surrounding green and scenery makes Ray’s a perfect location for weddings, after which you could very well have your honeymoon right there and spend your wedding evening gazing at your lover’s eyes at the fireplace.

Being a cold area, it’s just the place for those curled up with a good book and a mug of hot chocolate moments. And much more depending.

I love long distance day bus travels. It means stopping and having a moment, nay, having upwards of 8 hours of uninterrupted me time to read, sleep, wake up, moot ideas, ruminate over then, sleep, wake up, read some more and ruminate some more. It means taking time to come back to basics, appreciate nature and country, spot a few trees and shrubs and try to remember their names from Science and Agriculture class. I might even pleasantly catch myself staring in awe at the clouds and noticing that alas! there have been cute, fluffy, and sometimes mysterious formations in the sky all these years!

Seriously though, I get to get completely spaced out, or give enough brain time to issues past and present and I like that. Ether way it helps clear my mind even more than is the case at the beach which I tend to take completely for granted. The only other place I’m able to space out like that is upcountry in the village.

I guard my me time jealously and this is the one time I allow myself to be a snob. In most cases, and without having to utter a word past greetings, my neighbor knows that we shall not be discussing the Middle East, the rise and fall of the Kenyan shilling, or calculating how much the bus company makes per trip. When they that met their best friends and future husbands in the bus are counted, my hand will most likely be down. But that does not mean I cannot help a child struggling with a seat belt! Or anyone else for that matter.

So many hours with a clear mind and nowhere to go cements my patience. I could very well listen to Celine Dione’s heart go ooooooon and oooooooooon. I might even sing along who knows.

I’ll not be the one struggling to scribble or balance a laptop to type in a moving bus but a few of my blog posts have taken shape and been given enough brain time during some of these travels. Funny therefore, unfortunate even, that it has taken so long to do this article.

Too long a bus ride though and I could start swatting at imaginary flies.

The answer will come in the morning. Or after a long bus ride.

James Wamathai is a writer, Accountant, Events Manager, Volunteer Teacher, Spoken Word artist and founder of Kenya’s most popular creative writing website wamathai.com. He is just a regular guy who loves reading, writing creatively, travelling, live music, football and has a phobia for water bodies and two wheeled contraptions.

We had a few question for him and here is what he had to say:

1. What was your first phone?

It was a Sony Ericsson T200. It was alright but it’s pretty ugly by today’s standards.

2. What do you prefer? Facebook or Twitter? Why?

On a personal level, Twitter. The flow of information is faster and the interaction is way better. When I meet someone from Twitter it feels like I already know them and we are continuing with the conversation we’ve been having online.

As a content creator and distributor, Facebook is really useful. I’m able to market to a bigger audience (there are more people there than on twitter) and I’m also able to cram more words into a link teaser.

3. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I see myself owning a publishing company and possibly a management company for writers and performing poets. Also, I would love to set up an organization that mentors and teaches young writers. Most young writers today have no formal training.

4. Any questions for us?

If you could, what would you change about the world?

I’d get rid of money in all its forms. And drag us all back to the years BC while at it.

5. What would you do if you were president for a day?

I’d move all the Government buildings from the City Centre, Parliament and Nairobi University included, take them somewhere out of town, and make them easily accessible by high speed train.

I would stop accepting loans or grants from the West and try and make the country as self sufficient as possible. Aid does more harm than good you know.

I might not be able to do this in one day but I’d at least start the process.

6. What’s your favourite book and movie?

• Book: Children of Our Alley by Naguib Mafhouz
• Favourite Movie – Lock, stock and two smoking barrels

I’d like to add that I love English movies because they have such wondrous dialogue, and writers of African and Indian origin because of their imagination.

7. Who/what inspired you to do what you do now?

A lot of people but my Mum deserves special mention.

8. If you were to change jobs, what profession would you get into? Why?

Possibly something in film. I’ve always had an interest in it, especially the directing and screenplay part. Maybe one day I shall direct a movie or write a screenplay or even both.

9. If you had a super power, what would it be?

Flight. It must be exhilarating and liberating to be able to fly anywhere and at any time.

10. If you were deserted on an abandoned island, what 5 things would you want to have?

• A hunting knife
• A doll likeness of the person who left me there (so I can hit it when I’m depressed)
• A solar powered laptop (with music and e-books)
• Chess board (I can play by myself)
• Crates of Pilsner

11. If you were a car, what car would you like to be? Why?

The Audi R8 (road car). Because it is just awesome. If sex had wheels that’s how it would look like.

12. If you could be in any band in the world, which one would you like to be in? Why?

There is this up and coming musician called Louis Majiwa. His music is amazing. I’d definitely want to be in his band.

13. Anything interesting you would like to share with our readers?

Question everything. Seek every ounce of truth in an established reality. It is harmful to abide in a reality where no truth exists.

Google has every e-mail you ever sent or received on Gmail. It has every search you ever made, the contents of every chat you ever had over Google Talk. It holds a record of every telephone conversation you had using Google Voice, it knows every Google Alert you’ve set up. It has your Google Calendar with all content going back as far as you’ve used it, including everything you’ve done every day since then.

It knows your contact list with all the information you may have included about yourself and the people you know. It has your Picasa pictures, your news page configuration, indicating what topics you’re most interested in. And so on.

Image from: Blog Dope

Me? I think Google would make very rich fodder for Hollywood. Endless fodder.

Google, take everything, just give me back my chats.

Have a blessed 2012.

In 2011 – I attended a Retirement Benefits Authority seminar. Whenever invitations come to the office, they’re shooed away to some old guy’s desk by default. This time he good naturedly commanded two of us to go learn about money in old age. Well, they did teach retirement and money – and then some. Sickness, loneliness, menopause, marital strife and feelings of loss of purpose in life among other old age challenges. They also put us through a few hours of candid talk about flailing sex in old age and what to do about it. Yes, that felt like hours.

I gave my story outside of this place. In case you missed it or would like to read it again, scoot over to Q & A Monday: Shiko-Msa at Wamathai’s.

This blog landed on Zuqka. The writer there ‘passes by for a dose of sassy and smart since the posts are a sweet mix of both’. Gracias.

I took a wrong turn. I bought an Ideos. No biggie, except I was completely unable to bond with it. Speaking strictly in terms of hardware, I was coming from a solid aluminium Nokia 6700 to a light weight battery guzzler that broke apart when it fell. I was coming from a 5mp Carl Zeis Optics camera for crying out loud.

I gave the Ideos to a nephew, only to win another one in some quiz. Tarots?! I decided to use it for some time. Nothing in recent times ever tested my patience as much as the Ideos, not because its a bad phone, but because I was a tad too impatient with its short comings. Even at the most normal of technology, say hanging and taking eons to come on, I was quite unforgiving. It pissed me off too often, so urgent replacement was a matter of human rights.

Some restlessness I’d started feeling reached peak. I need change. I need to distabilize something and start over. I need a storm. This rut must die. I’m currently orchestrating the murder of said rut. Go on, wish me luck.

I had my first car crash one bright Sunday mid morning. I was not hurt and neither was anyone else but I broke a windshield and a few other things. As much as just about everyone concluded that Sunday morning is Saturday night, I was totally sober. Lessons? Serious injury or even death are never too far away. Seat belts save lives. Car repairs take longer than speculated and cost much more than estimated.

I sat in for a colleague who was away on leave. Among other duties, I got to order stationery and the most I could do was ask people what they wanted on their desks. I got to learn that clear document pockets are called those transparent wharevers, thumb tucks are called those short pins and stick pads are called tu-yellow yellows.

I’m excited. It’s festive season again. I’m feeling cute. The office atmosphere is lax and everyone is in a good mood.  It’s not dress down Friday but dress down December. Work is going on but it’s generally tools down around here. Someone is playing Momo by Murimi Wa Ka-Half and laughing their heart out. He’s not even Kikuyu.

It’s hotter in Mombasa. The sand at the beach is whiter, the water clearer. I want to go to a beach restaurant, twiddle my toes in sand and eat a salad with my fingers. I want to buy dresses. Long dresses, short dresses, white dresses, yellow dresses, red dresses, flowered dresses, flirty girly dresses, cleavage dresses… the whole shebang. I could dye my my hair yellow and stick a flower in it but I wont.

I’ll be upcountry for Christmas. For the first time though, this year there may not be a Christmas tree at home. My brother and sisters will be away and I never did blow balloons or hang cute lights and silver bells. Maybe because I did not inherit the Christmas tree decorating genes. Maybe because I’m the last born and there was always someone else to do it. Maybe because cypress makes me sneeze. Maybe because I was born this way. Maybe its maybelline….. that just came from the many maybes.

I do not wish to ramble on. Its happy season. Merry Christmas.

Unrelated: Whoever these are I love this photo.

Ladygay is not just a lotion to me. Its the signature scent of my mother. If gizzards were my father, the sweet gentle scent of ladygay was and still is my mother. Her showing up at home bearing a gift – a new dress, a pair of shoes, or just tropical sweets that seemed to live in her handbag.

The ladygay scent was the calming reassurance in her room whenever scared little me moved there in the middle of a rainy night with particularly loud thunderstorms.

Ladygay was the scent that wafted through the house in the morning when she was getting ready for work and little me knew that mum was awake, alive and well. That the world was safe.

Today is not mother’s day or anything. I was just musing over what lotion to buy myself this time round when it occured to me that my Mum has used the same lotion all her life. How?!

When Urbane Kenyan and Egichomo told me about writing my Five Links, I thought it was going to be an easy peazy affair. How wrong I was! This has proven to be a most difficult assignment because one I have over 200 articles in my database and two, a lot of my articles are spur of the moment and quite frankly I feel silly reading them back.

• My most popular post: Most popular by numbers was about Alvaro. I wrote it when Alvaro was a very new kid on the block. Stripped of the then newness and novelty of Alvaro, it will probably drowse you all. Here is the post.

• Post that I’m most proud of:Our Kid FC. Someone stumbled upon it and made donations of footballs, jerseys et al.

• My most controversial post:To veil or not to veil. The post in itself is not controversial because I simply stated France’s stand on the Burqa, information that could be found on any news channel. The reason I would brand it controversial is because I usually balk at religious and moral debates. I remember having jitters when comments started coming in but the civility with which readers put forth their strong arguments came out tops.

• Post whose success surprised me: This is a comp and this is a mouse. Yes, there’s someone out there who believes youtube is a plumbing device.

• Post that did not get the attention it deserved: No idea. But I could use this as an excuse to bring back Drive like an ant. That is where Our Kid asked ‘if an ant hit another with those receptors, will they go to court… oh wait for it… and become litigAnts?

• Or In case of airport delays where he referred to the 2010  Eyjafjallajökull Volcanic Ash as Ayeyoufuckallanditscool.

Have your done your 5Links? Consider yourself tagged.

I’m not one to have a book everywhere, but I read. Not as voraciously as I used to before demanding day jobs happened, but I read a lot all the same. I tend to obsess over a particular genre for some time and then snap out as soon as I realize that a girl’s warehouse can only hold so many facts, useless or otherwise.  That she can only get so much inspiration before it degenerates into boredom. That she has to decide whether her dad is rich or poor, get over it and get down to more African ways of doing business. That in her attempt to grow rich, she has to roll up her sleeves and get down to work. Aside from thinking of course.

So I read widely but if I were asked to pin down the one genre that holds more of my fancy, I’d have to say its True Crime and Investigation.

I’m intrigued by the criminal mind. Not petty muggers, pick pockets and bank robbers. No. Guys like Ted Bundy and Gary Ridgway. The kind that kill, dismember their victims and stuff their body parts into suit cases. Those that rape their dead victims and eat their hearts. I will not try their sick in the head ways at home but I’d like to know from them how their minds operate. I’d like to play Clarice and talk to one of them if they could promise not to kill me and stitch a shirt with my skin.

I’ve read more Anne Rules and true detective magazines than I could count and watched countless programs about said insanes. Somewhere in my life there are hard cover volumes of criminal psychology and profiling books that I bought in a moment of blind impulse. Ok criminal psychology was a bit too ambitious but profiling I do read.

Unfortunately am not that brave after all. At some point I started freaking out even at whispering winds. I’d start at creaking doors and swaying shower curtains. I did not ever think that McShiko would kill me but hey, a lot of those victims are killed by loved ones.

As much as I read widely, I still go through other people’s lists of favourite authors and go, ‘whoarethose? This post is a promise to self to spread my wings and widen my reading scope some more. I shall soon look y’all in the eye and declare that my favourite authors are the likes of Robert Harvey Monro Elwes, Quintus Tullius Cicero and Pedanius Dipscorides. Soon as I can pronounce their names.

For now though, am reading Princess, Desert Royal and Mayada. If only for those book covers! Plus am intrigued by the Arab Culture and way of life.

From my log cabin in the woods – Paper book or kindle?